I thought that maybe if I just left everything I was behind, then I would be new. But it’s not just about leaving everything, it’s about taking the bad and turning it into good. So I decided to do that. Including my blog. I like blogging so yolo this is staying. Anyways. ~~
Okay all week I’ve been thinking about dating and courting and relationships and I was convinced that although I don’t want a relationship right now, I would never court. But then this speaker came in today and he was actually hilarious and so good. He talked about courting and how him and his wife’s first kiss was their wedding kiss and I don’t know, that just sounds so appealing right now. So I was thinking that maybe courting isn’t such a bad idea. I’ve only kissed one boy in all my life but every seven years, my entire body has new cells so in seven years I’ll be totally untouched again. I guess that’s dumb reasoning but I just want to be special and clean and pure when my wedding day comes so maybe just maybe I’m opening up a little bit more to courting. I mean God must be trying to tell me something because I’m getting hit at all angles with this courting thing. I don’t like anyone and don’t plan on being in a relationship anytime soon but I want to get things figured out before I am and it’s too late. Ugh.
Why do girls feel the need to be in a relationship? In fact why does everyone feel the need to be in a relationship? Including me. Satisfaction comes from God alone. In God alone I find my identity, not in a cute text or a fun night. Why do I feel like I need to be talking to someone all the time? Sometimes it’s good to be alone. To think and talk to God. He died for me and I forget about Him so often, getting distracted because someone called me beautiful. He made me and created me and formed me and thought of me before the creation of the world and I still put Him second.
I’ve been thinking about relationships a lot lately. Honestly, take a minute to think about all the relationships we have everyday. Which ones are most important to you? I’ve come to think that being with someone isn’t worth it unless it’s glorifying God. Unless God wants me in that relationship because He knows it’s good for me, then I don’t want to be a part of it. Even if it’s an innocent flirtation; I know myself and I know that “no strings attached” doesn’t exist for me. I care. I just don’t want to get hurt again on someone who isn’t worth it.
I decided today, that I’m done playing games and messing around. I’m done. If I like you, I’m letting you know and if you don’t like me, I expect you to do the same. I’ve decided that I don’t want to flirt, I don’t want to cuddle, I don’t want to hold your hand, I don’t want to think about you, I don’t want to waste time on you. I guess that’s harsh but the point is, I want to be single. I want to fall in love with God. He’s first. He should be first. And when He is, then everything else will fall into place. He will take care of me. I don’t need to look for fulfillment in any relationship other than His.
And the best thing about God is that He will never let me down. People screw up and disappoint me daily. My ex told me he loved me, but then he changed his mind. Sometimes you look at me like we could be something but then you do the same thing to a different girl. What? God isn’t like that. He doesn’t change. Ever. For anything or anyone. He will never love me less because I mess up. He will never love me more if I do something really good. He loves me more than anything else in the world. I can’t fathom His love for me.
If I ever do end up falling in love and I really hope I do. I want someone who loves God more than me. I want someone who’ll pray for me and pray with me. I want someone who won’t care about the physical things because beauty is fleeting. I want someone who knows that I’m a sinner, I’m the biggest sinner in the world, that I’m a liar and a thief and a murder and an adulterer but knows that in God, I am made new and with God in the center, our relationship can actually work. I want someone who’ll save themselves for me. I want someone who’s praying to meet a girl like me just like I’m praying to meet a guy like him.
But as for now, I’m done. Being single isn’t something to be proud of or something to be ashamed of. It doesn’t make me a prude or pathetic or undesirable. I might be single, but I am never alone. I have the best love of all.
If I hear one more rich person complain about how poor they are, I’ll literally punch them in the throat.
No, you’re not poor. Poor is getting evicted from your house. Poor is getting kicked out of school because you can’t afford it. Poor is spending two days in the dark because your parents can’t pay the bills. Poor is having Verizon call your phone during school hours because the bill is late. Poor is having the government come to your house in the middle of the night to take your car away because it’s been months since anyone has paid for it. You are not poor.
I thank God every day that I don’t have to worry about those things. But still, sometimes when my internet doesn’t work, my heart skips a beat thinking that we didn’t pay for it again. When my light dies, I freak out, thinking we don’t have electricity again. I’m not poor. So if I’m not poor, then you are definitely 100% not poor.
And even that isn’t poor. People around the world don’t have food to eat, clean water to drink or a free education like we do. So count your blessings.
If you can’t afford a 700$ prom dress, that doesn’t make you poor. Oh, your parents didn’t get you the car you wanted? Nope, still not poor. So seriously, think before you speak next time.
